You’re listening to the radio station “Pieces of Eight”
and, if you’ve only just dragged yourself out of bed,
today’s gladatorial combat, on which Frank and John will commentate,
is the much hyped tabloid champion, The Daily Lines, against Sam Celeb.
A late handover as usual Jim. Still, now we can start.
You’d be late to Latecomer’s Anonymous, and that is joking apart.
Oh come on. Leave him alone Frank. Let’s get on with the show.
It’s a ripsnorter today. Don’t touch that dial. We’ll report on every blow.
We have two old hands competing today so let’s review the form.
The Daily Lines
has a ten game unbroken run. A win would be the norm.
While Sam Celeb has never taken on an opponent of this size
but has beaten numerous other publications during his meteoric rise.
There’s not even standing room left here at the Colosseum.
Knowing that one of them has to lose everyone wants to come and see ’em.
The crowd roars as Sam Celeb is the first to step into the arena.
He postures for the crowd. I hope he takes them to the cleaners.
Now The Daily Lines
appears. An intimidating adversary.
There has never been a gladiator better known for his ferocity.
Not waiting for Sam to finish playing to the gallery
The Lines weighs in with a gossip column created by Vixen Valerie.
Such a low blow is to be expected. It really gets my goat.
Now look at him. Parading around. Having a good gloat.
Not yours it’s alleged. Oooh. You would hope that Sam knew better.
I thought he was too smart to try to answer with a letter.
Such a pity. I was hoping that this would be the end for that cur.
Now it looks like a miracle would be needed for that event to occur.
Frank, you don’t seem to be your normal impartial self today.
Can I hazard a guess that The Lines has insulted you in some way.
Insulted? He turned down my application. Who does he think he is?
He clearly doesn’t recognise how my talent compares to his.
Oops. Back to the game and the crowd’s roars increaseas The Lines
…stop that…moves in with an opinion piece.
Sam tries a simple denial that makes all watching wince.
Says he wants a career in acting but that really did not convince.
He’s starting to look desperate now as he tries a spin attack.
It fails and he just is not fast enough as he tries to backtrack.
A weekend supplement is the next attack The Lines settles upon
and, as you know, these days that can be a very heavy weapon.
Sam falls back under the onslaught. It’s clear he’s going to lose.
There’s no escape though as The Lines follows up with front page news.
Indeed, that is a difficult combination that shows The Lines dedication.
As if one was needed, an indication of his fitness and good circulation.
The crowd stands as viciousness and mob-mentality combines.
Their collective thumb is down. A flower is thrown to The Lines.
The Lines approaches Sam to administer the finishing move.
The crowd goes wild. As long as they get their kill then they approve.
But it seems Sam was only faking. A ruse to draw him in.
There’s much you could accuse him of but you couldn’t call him chicken.
His final thrust penetrates The Lines’ equipment with such force
that it is clear that The Lines’ supplier is an inferior source.
Defenseless, The Lines is slapped by a lawsuit and, as the claws sink in,
the audience’s behaviour makes it clear, they’d rather watch than win.