Okay, so it isn’t a poem. However I don’t have a political website and it is only ever going to happen in a fantasy world so here it is…
The UK: Gordon Brown! Did you, while Chancellor, order the light touch regulatory philosphy that led to recession in the UK?
Speaker: You don’t have to answer that question.
Brown: I’ll answer the question. You want answers?
The UK: Yes Prime Minister. We think we’re entitled to them.
Brown: You want answers?
The UK: We want the truth!
Brown: You can’t handle the truth!
Son, we live in a world that has rich people, and those rich people have to be guarded by men with economic theories. Who’s gonna do it? You? George Osborne? Vince Cable?
I had a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the UK economy, and you curse the office of the Chancellor of the Exchequer. You have that luxury. While you cannot afford any other luxuries, you have the luxury of not knowing what I know – which is basically everything – that the various corporate deaths in the financial sector, while tragic, probably saved my friends’ bank accounts; and my appearance at Prime Minister’s Question Time, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, helps them to sleep at night without their security blankets.
You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about during your Media Studies and Tourism degrees, you wanted me in that office — you needed me in that office.
I use phrases like “quantitative easing”, “collateralised debt obligation”, and “dead cat bounce”. I use these phrases as the backbone of a life spent defending something, although obviously not cats. You have to look up over-simplified explanations on-line.
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a country that rises and works under the blanket of the very opportunities for fraud and larceny that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide them.
I would rather that you just said “thank you Prime Minister” and went on your way to the dole queue… I mean the Jobcentre Plus. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a financial model and stand for office. Either way, I don’t give a “UK savings rate” what you think you’re entitled to!
The UK: Did you order the “light touch”?
Brown: I did the job I was…
The UK: …Did you order the “light touch”?
Brown: You’re goddamn right I did!
