IIINNNNN the blue corner:
She’s the holder of the ‘Do-gooder’ award five years in a row
The nemesis of all who are vile and unwary
She’ll beat them, and defeat them with her special ‘Wand combo’
So put your hands together now. It’s the Good Fairy.
IIIINNNNN the red corner:
Creatures have cowered and cringed from her for many a year.
She is frightening and frightful. In fact down right scary.
If you’re in favour of order and kindness she’s the one to fear.
So let’s hear those boos and those hisses. It’s the Bad fairy.
This is the good versus evil grudge match if you’ve only just turned on.
And now we hand over to our commentating team. Let’s go to the… John?
Thank you. I’m flushed to be here for this special day,
to contribute to this event in my own special way.
Now may I introduce my guest in the box today. I’d like to thank
His bluntness, His Brashness, the one and only, the absolutely… Frank?
Thanks John. An accurate description if a little long winded.
Good to be here for this final battle, the kind versus the wicked.
This reminds me of the time when we commented upon
the tooth fairy against the sandman and we all know who won.
On sheer size alone the sandman was expected to win
but he went home, far the richer, just ten minutes in.
What I’m saying is you should never count the underdog out.
Till it’s over the good fairy could still win this bout.
Well, you could be right Frank but if you want my advice
bet on evil to win. The Good Fairy’s just too darn nice.
Hello. It looks now as if something is happening.
Our protagonists are climbing into the mushroom ring.
They’ve imported a leprechaun as a referee who’ll be fair.
He’s been good and he’s been bad. They’ll find no bias there.
Now he takes both aside to explain how it works
He wants a fair fight. The bad fairy just smirks.
Oh but look at that! Bad gets in a kick. Before even the start
of round one the referee has to hold them apart.
There. The bluebell has rung for the start of round one.
The ref steps back and the fight has begun.
Bad steps in again. This time with a kick to the head.
Will the Good Fairy block it. No she sidesteps instead.
And with a careful shove causes the Bad Fairy to fall
flat on her face. As Bad gets up Good mouths ‘That’s one-all’
Bad is clearly enraged, lowers her head and charges
Hits Good in the stomach. Now the fight degenerates to pushes and barges.
Bad shoves. Good grabs and trips. Now they’re both on the floor.
There’s kicking, there’s scratching. The crowd screams for more.
There’s biting of wings and pulling of hair.
It seems neither side wants to fight fair.
The bluebell rings out for the second time today
and their seconds rush in to drag them away.
And now John as we watch the rerun
do tell us what you thought of round one.
It’s a classic Frank. A bout to be long remembered.
A text book grudge match where each wants the other dismembered.
After round one any advantage can scarcely be spoken.
It’s neck and neck, and neither of those have been broken.
I’m sorry John but I must interrupt as the fight enters round two.
A short break but they’re both keen to beat the other black and blue.
A short burst of viciousness then both of them stand back.
It seems that they’re both now wary of rejoining the attack.
From out of her sleeve Bad produces her wand – strictly prohibited
by the rules of the match. But Bad seems uninhibited.
Really by now the ref should have disqualified her
but for the sake of his shape he plays ‘his advantage’ as it were.
Bad aims a quick spell at Good’s golden locks. Oh bad luck.
It just bounces off. Although the ref has to duck.
From under her skirt Good produces a wand tipped by a star.
‘Where did that come from?’ is the commonest question by far.
She waggles it and she waves it till it finally emits
A fireball, that strikes Bad, freezes, then shatters to bits.
It’s followed by an icebolt. Bad launches a lightning bolt without
any hesitation. They meet. The ice melts. The lightning shorts out.
Bad promptly produces a plentiful plague of pests.
They spot Good and fly, hop & crawl from their nests.
Over Bad’s head Good produces milk and honey.
Bad cancels her spell. She doesn’t seem to find it funny.
Good waves her wand again. Nothing happens. She looks bemused.
Bad steps forward with a smile on her face. Now she’s amused.
Bad wiggles her wand, but that is also inert.
Good hefts her wand. Steps in. Ooooh! That’s gotta hurt.
Yes Frank. Although for Good that has to be thought of as lowdown.
But it hasn’t caused Bad to so much as slow down.
She takes out Good’s legs with a sweep of her hand.
Then a blow to the head as Good tries to stand.
But Good’s move was only a feint, she strikes out at knee height
and as Bad drops a shadow falls over them blocking the light.
What eldritch phenomenon could this possibly be?
It’s next door’s cat John, popped over to see.
What could be happening to make so much noise.
Now it looks in the ring and finds some new toys.
The ref, trying to maintain order, steps in its way.
The cat stops, peers down, then bats him away.
Then it pounces trapping the fairies, one under each paw.
Bad wriggles free, tries to run but is snagged by a claw.
With the cat occupied Good is able to creep out the side.
She darts in, rescues Bad, and they fly off to hide.
The ref staggers in and bravely lifts up a paw.
And reality has won the battle once more.